Why Before When - Pamela Kahar
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Why Before When

I am writing this not to ride on the Valentine’s Day moment, but i just want to express my thoughts. In the past few months, several friends that i know have gotten engaged or even tied the knot already. And last week, I watched a movie entitled “When are you getting married (Kapan Kawin?). The story is about a woman in her mid 30’s who has not been married yet, has not gotten herself a boyfriend either. Her family keeps bugging her when she will get married. As always, a discussion about marriage and single woman in that age is a never ending one. Don’t you think so?
Few days ago, i chatted with my friend, and she told me the same thing, she’s in turmoil when she will get married or even a boyfriend. Then, she asked me “When are you getting married?”
I was quite stammered answering her question. I was even more surprised by the way i replied that question. Honestly speaking, I was more intrigued with the thought of “Why should I get married (that soon)?

Isn’t why should come before when? We should know the reason first, before setting the timeline ,right?
But, why do people ask “When will you marry him/her?” more often than they ask “Why will you marry him/her?”
Truth is people barely ask ‘why’. We barely ask ‘why’ to ourselves too.

source: pinterest
It makes me think that there might be possibilities where those who are getting married don’t really know the ‘Why’ they marry that person. I know that there’s a saying that sometimes we just love that person without knowing why. But, in my opinion, it’s very important for us to know the ‘why’, because those reasons are the things that make us hold on to that person and keep fighting for the relationship when it gets harder. 
For example: I want to marry him, because I love being with him, I love praying together with him and I can see myself as the one who supports him.
Now you can write down the reasons why …..
So whenever you ask yourself “When will i have boyfriend/girlfriend?” ask yourself first “Why should i have one (right now)?”
What’s your reason? Perhaps:
” because, i am ready to embark on a new relationship. I have moved on from my ex”
” because, i am ready to share my life with that person. I want to shower my love”
” because, i want to start a godly relationship” Who knows?

How can we think of when we’re going to marry that person, if we haven’t figured out why?
I just hope that we can be wiser and not to be swoon away with the excitement of loving and being loved.
And this ‘why before when’ concept doesn’t only suit relationship matter, but also everything in your life, including your dream.
Do you have a dream list? Or do you write your resolutions? Look at it.
See, we often write down our dream & target, with the date when we will achieve that.
But, we do not write why we want to achieve that dream.
For example: I want to write a novel, and have it published by this September. But, i don’t know the reason why i want to write a novel. I was stuck in the middle, and I didn’t continue writing, because i just didn’t have strong reasons why i should finish it. Note that it’s just an example.
If we focus on ‘when’, then when the time comes, we won’t be that satisfied or overjoyed because we don’t know ‘why’.
And rather than we focus on ‘when’, sometimes in the future that we don’t even know. Let’s just pray that we will find a strong reason ‘why’. Pray that you’ll find strong reasons why you want to marry that person.
Pamela Kahar
[email protected]

A woman who is blessed to be a blessing. A marketer who reads and writes.

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