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Staying in love after years. Is it that hard?

“How long you’ve been dating?” My friend asked me that question during our meet up time.

“Hmm. Less than a month.” I replied her with a smile on my face.

“You guys must be still in a lovey-dovey period. Wait till next 10 months or a year.” She said. Then she continued her story about couples who start losing their sparks after a year or two. I listened to every single word she said. Sometimes I nodded, yet sometimes I also disagreed with her thought.

How can a couple stay in a relationship for more than 3 years even before they decided to settle down together? Do they lose the sparks between them? Do they regard dating and stuffs as a routine? As I begin a new chapter of my love life, I also wonder..

Is it true that we really have a so called “relationship cycle”, where the couple are warm at the beginning and the feeling begins to fade away at some point? Does it really exist?

Honestly speaking, it’s not the first time I listen to words about the relationship cycle. In fact, I heard it several times and experienced it once previously. All of us have the different definition of ‘warm’ gesture from our couple.

Maybe you guys used to exchange “good morning” text; or celebrate your monthversary thingy; or you guys say that three words eight letters “I love you” every night.

The common thing between our stories is that we stop doing the things that we did at the beginning of our relationship.

On the other hand, I also know some couples who have been dating for like 4 years or more even before they get married to each other. Those couples still do their ’things’. One couple still holding each other’s hand when they are together like: in a car, cinema and even when they’re in a fight (weird, huh? But, this couple does exist!).

The -8 years- couple always leave message whenever they are going somewhere even though they are not Whatsapp-ing at that present time. The other still cook for each other once a week in their 7 years relationship.

The thing is, they choose to keep on doing the small things which actually matter just like at the beginning of their love voyage.

When your boyfriend/girlfriend complains why you no longer do those simple things.  You thought that it is just a small unnecessary thing that should not be bothered. If you think it’s a small thing, then it should not be difficult for you to do it, right?
You did it before. Well, you used to do that. Then, why do you stop choose to stop doing that?
10 minutes phone call a day is not demanding considering you have 1440 minutes a day.
A simple text telling where you are takes you less than a minute. It will not ruin the schedule of your super hectic day.
I read somewhere that we cannot choose the one we’re interested in, but we can choose the one we’re being in love with. And staying in love with that person is a choice.

I am sure ‘staying in love’ here does not merely means we’re staying together in a relationship with our couple for nearly five years or more. It is not about the physical presence of each other. It is so much more than that.

Staying in love means falling and being in love with him/her over and over again, just like at the beginning of the relationship. Maybe, it’s not the kind of passionate dramatic yet volatile feelings; but the tender and -respecting each other- kind of love.
Just as being happy is our choice, once again, staying in love is our choice too! And I choose to believe that we will not get tired of each other when we choose to stay in love with our loved one.

Pamela Kahar
[email protected]

A woman who is blessed to be a blessing. A marketer who reads and writes.

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