08 Jul JOURNEY OF FINDING JOY IN LIFE, AGAIN
It was around 11 pm when my phone rang. I opened that DM notification from one of my closest friends. “I just realized that you haven’t been blogging for 6 months. What’s wrong?” Dang! 6 months. Has it really been 6 months? I thought it’s just 2 or 3 months.She isn’t the first person to ask such question to me. Some people have popped that question few weeks/ few months ago.
That simple question left mixed feelings for me. Trying to look at it in a positive way, it means some people actually do read my writings. But, on top of everything, I am sure that there’s tremendous sadness in the core of my heart.
I miss writing. I miss writing for me, for my sake;
I can’t lie to myself saying that it’s just another creative block period, while I know that it was so much more than that. Have you ever felt this way? The feelings where everything is just fine and perfectly In place, but you just can’t help to feel anxious. Or that kind of feelings when you are just too tired, exhausted and sad.
I write not only because I love it, but also pour all of the heavy feelings inside me into my writing. Writing was my stress reliever. What should I do when I cannot even release my stress? I felt so hopeless, like I was surrounded by the dark cloud until an unknown period of time.
I knew that life must go on. So, I kept going. Until one day.. I realized that I haven’t had enough deep sleep. Sometimes I woke up at dawn, crying and sobbing my tears. I was heart-broken seeing myself that way.
“Time’s up!” I said to myself. I’ve got to stop pretending to myself. I was not okay. The whole situation was not okay. I’ve got to admit, that I was not in a healthy state of mind & soul in the past few months.
I did not enjoy my journey. It felt like my joy was being robbed and gone with the wind. What’s the point of going on a trip to your destination, when you cannot enjoy every second?
For each of you who are currently experiencing this, you are not alone, okay? I am sure there are plenty of people out there who feel the same way. The first thing you should do is to always be aware with yourself. Be honest and admit if you are not okay. It’s okay not to be okay. But, having healthy mind is really important. There have been too many news lately, talking about how mentally disorder people ended up in suicidal acts. I am not joking, yet prolonged stressed our burn out can turn out to be a mental disorder too.
The second & the last thing are to find out what’s the root of your problem and know how to deal with it.
One thing that I learn the most. Even if you aren’t faithful, God is still faithful (but, it doesn’t mean you can take Him for granted;). He gave me the answer of my problem not through my personal times with Him (I couldn’t even pray at that time), but through some of my clients. You know who you are 🙂
I am close with some of my clients. It’s not weird for me to share some meaningful and personal conversation with them. Here is my story. I was not joyful during my journey, because …
- I let some toxic people stay in my life and consume me.
Some people are very toxic. In my case, I let their opinions devastated me even if I know it wasn’t true. I was too affected by their nasty words. It consumed my mind and soul.
- I don’t take control of my life, but I let it control me.
Someone told me that during her burn-out period, she always vomited before going to work. She felt nauseated and weak every time she went to the office. She had too much on her plate. She lost her focus. She let her life controlled her. Glad that I haven’t reach that state, but it’s time to make things better, right?
- I let something become the center of my life.
I couldn’t deny that my job is my top priority at the moment. It has become the center of my life. I devoted most of my daily life for Frasa. I was happy with the progress. But, I couldn’t stop thinking about my work. I couldn’t stop thinking of my clients or how I could make my work results better. It was the thing that I first thought in the morning and the last thing I thought right before bed time. I fell into this loop hole, wake up – work – sleep – work, and the cycle goes on. I barely allocate time for anything else, even for me.
Notice that I put the word ‘I’ at the beginning in each sentence? ‘I’ is the subject. It means that we have the power to control how we feel at the moment. Somethings are out of control, but somethings are in control. For example: the way we see our current situation and find the solution or just go with the flow.
When you feel that you cannot solve your problem by yourself. Ask for help. Share your stories. Don’t be ashamed with that. Somebody do care for you. Who knows they might have the solution for you.
Here are the things that work for me to find my joy again.
- Try journaling & meditation
Take a piece of paper, just write anything that you want. Write it down. It doesn’t have to be poetic and coherent. Your goal is to spill out whatever it is inside your mind & soul. You can try “How do you feel at the moment?”. Moreover, my client suggested me to try meditation using Headspace apps. I really like it. Please don’t ask me whether this meditation belongs to certain religion or belief. I just do some basic 5 – 10 minutes meditation before bed. As a result, I feel more calm & relaxed.
- Re-arrange your priority and time management
I looked at my time table that I created in the beginning of the year. I realized how I’ve been so rebellious to my time management sheet. No wonder why! Then, I tried to stick more into my schedule. I stop working when it’s time to stop and read books or just enjoy the moment of being present to keep myself sane.
- Know how to deal with toxic people
If you think you can handle that toxic people without letting them affecting you, keep them in your cycle. If you think you can’t, cut the ties. A little bit more of advice. If they keep blaming you for something that is not your fault. Keep this mindset “it is your fault if you don’t give your best.” If you’ve already done your best and they keep complaining, it means they are simply insane. And what to do with insane people? Just don’t give a d*mn. Oops! Don’t let them steal your joy.
- Stay close to God every single day
God is the source of our joy. I am not gonna elaborate much on this. But, it’s never too late to date Him again. Where shall we start? Start by praying and asking Him “God, draw me closer to You every single day.”
Are you still with me at this very last part of this post? Thank you so much for your time. I hope you find joy wherever you are. Cause the key to live life to the fullest is to live life with joy. Enjoy your ride. God bless you.